Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize