so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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