Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
