So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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