Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
