he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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