My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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