If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
