Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
