There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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