i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
