Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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