You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
