you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
