You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
