it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
and she was petting her beer can
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
