He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
