You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
