I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
