I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
