i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
