THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize