I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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