would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
only you would photoshop your dick
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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