there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
What drink are we having for lunch?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
