Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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