I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
