DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
