A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize