whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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