hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
