what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
we made out on top of his cat.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
