he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
