Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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