i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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