Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Send help, water and tortillas.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
