I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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