There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
my being single is dangerous.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
