I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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