I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
