Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
