just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
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