You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
If I die, sorry about rent.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
