pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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