He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
