12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
