Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
