My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The police scanner is talking about you again....
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
