Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
