he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
P.S. I can't hear my feet
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
