so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
