Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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