Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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