Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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