remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
