well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
