I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
