Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
