Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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