Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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