she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Randomize