before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
