Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
