just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
