she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
