Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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