First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Hippo gnu deer
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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