Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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