and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
