I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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