I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize