No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
