just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Randomize
