That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
